'Entourage' is less and less funny, and HBO is F'd

There I said it. Entourage is becoming increasingly less and less funny. To be honest, while I am pretty much caught up, I didn't really start watching the show (as in, watching every episode) until this last season. Although, this season is technically the next season, since the last season only ended a few weeks ago. Confused? Good.

What kept me from watching it in the first place was the fact that I have a hard time relating to ridiculously rich, late 20 somethings having everything they want, banging whatever hot ass they want, and paying zero dues in the process. I am huge on paying dues. To play the blues you gots to pay them dues.

What made me start watching was Ari, and truthfully, the notion that a group of guys, in spite of how successful one of them has become, are still true friends, share in each other's fortune and misfortune, and yes, bang hot chicks along the way. And to be fair, isn't that what we all want for our friends at the end of the day? Except for some, of course, for as a married man I grow weary of hearing about it all the time. Most of the players on that show, minus Piven and Dillon, can't act worth a shit, but it's still, on the most basic level, "relatable."

And it's funny...at times...but not lately...which worries me...immensely...i am finished...with ellipses.

And that makes me worry for HBO. No more Sopranos, no more Deadwood, no more Rome, and by the looks of the trailers for the new slate of crap coming up, no more good shows. I know it's not TV, but HBO could have learned a thing or three from it's rival broadcast big brothers. Spin offs anyone?? Ahh yes, TV is the master of suckling that sweet teet of broadcast gold until it runs dry with Joey, but there have been successes. Many of them in fact. I know Chase is done with Sopranos, and the cost of producing Deadwood and Rome proved too much to bear, but there's only much so much Cathouse a guy can watch.

So to HBO, stop giving shows to every hack that claims to have an "original" idea. There are no fucking original ideas. Give me an original idea and I'll show you a show that sucks ass. Why? Because it's not relevant, it's not even earnest, and I can't begin to relate to it as a viewer. And how do I know this? Because none of the good shows, at their core, are original. The mob, the old West, and an ancient empire somewhere in or around Italy. It's what you do with what is already unoriginal which makes it original, right? So stop trying to think of "the next big show" our "next Sopranos." You look desperate and it's obvious from the shows you are about to air. Take a deep breath. Find a good writer, pick a topic that actually interests people (death, blood, crime and tits come to mind), and I'll keep watching.

Then again, what the hell do I know? Like it matters what the idea is. Isn't 99.9 percent of this stuff pure luck anyway?

Eat it.

I Am Soooo Effing Tired...

There are a shit ton of television shows I need to start watching, or should I say, wish I could be watching. It's a huge problem for me.

First, just about every show, ever made, in the history of television is now available on DVD or will be soon. Remember, this is only a recent development/problem since, only a few years ago, you'd be lucky to catch "The A-Team" or "Diff'rent Strokes" in syndication. Now you can own the entire goddamn series. Both of those shows actually suck when you watch them now, but you get the point.

Second, with so many shows coming out on DVD every week, how are you suppose to stay ahead? I don't like it when I'm not caught up on the shows I watch now, and it physically bothers me that there are shows I really need to watch and am so fucking far behind. Seriously, it makes me grind my teeth in sadness.

Third, and this is kind of a catchall to the first two listed above, but I don't have any time to watch 43 hours of DVD. I just don't.

Here's a partial list, and for most of these, yes, I fucking know, I should be watching these:

Arrested Development (been in my Netflix, now Blockbuster queue, for about 16 months combined)

Reno 911

Battlestar Galactica

Battle of the Planets (don't ask)

The Wire (worried it's not as good as everyone says it is)

Venture Brothers

My kid is ill and in the past 48 hours I have had approximately 6.3 hours of sleep. I want to sleep, but can't.

Wish I had some television to watch.

Varejao, You Fucking Suck at Basketball

I'm in a pissy mood, so I would like to spread the love. Like a lot of people I know, I loathe the NBA. And like a lot of people I know, I love the NBA playoffs. Teams I could give a shit less about during regular season play, suddenly become interesting, even entertaining to watch during the playoffs. The best part is that I get to pick a team to root for, and in this year's finals is a team I actually respect (Cavs), playing a team I f'ing hate (Spurs).

Cavs are behind 3 games to none. Way to go.

I blame this on Anderson Varejao. He is fucking terrible. Again, remember I don't watch regular season basketball, so I know nothing about the no-name players, or whether they are actually to blame for a team sucking. He probably isn't to blame. I only know that which I see during the playoffs, and what I have seen of Anderson Varejao is comedic. Like an oaf, he bounces around the court with that goofy, dipshit hairdo, fouling people, missing easy shots, taking flops, throwing elbows, and knocking the ball out of bounds. Basically, he looks like me playing basketball. How is this guy playing in the NBA?

I know it won't happen, but part of me likes to imagine him Googling his name, only to come across this blog. That's right, read this. A nerd from Kentucky thinks you're awful and that you look like another douche I know, the lead singer from The Counting Crows, Adam Cocksmoker. That's another blog in itself, but how are The Counting Crows selling records? Have you heard this guy sing?!?! Well? Have you? I'd rather hear my dog getting violated by Anderson Varejao.

You Have To Blow on the Games To Make Them Work

Every few months, always on a Sunday in an hour when I am only barely awake, my parentals will unexpectedly show up on my doorstep bearing gifts. The gifts I speak of are not of the store purchased, birthday or Christmas variety, although the items in question were most certainly, at some point time, bought in a store and very likely for a birthday or for Christmas. The gifts are the result of a tri-annual cleanout of my parents' basement, garage, storage room, or closets in which they will inevitably come across a box or two of my (or my brother's) toys, books, school papers and the like. For some reason, our family knows how to hold onto its crap. Pack ratting is a family tradition. It's a defined art form. And best of all, how can you beat getting your hands back on new, old crap?

Of late I have been nostalgic for my old, original Nintendo game system. After the last bearing of gifts yielded only a shitty collection of old candles and macaroni art work from the 2nd grade, I made a special request to the parents to be on the look out for the old fun box (not to be confused with the other fun box). This, coupled with the fact that as a tech nerd who must have the latest new electronic crap and who scoured the city for a week and a half before leaving work early to buy a Nintendo Wii from some guy at a Wal Mart who promised to hold one for "only 20 minutes," I was curious to see if it still holds up to what I remembered it was. Well, they found it, they brought it to me last Sunday, and it's kinda terrible.

First, it works like it did when it was brand new. That is to say, it doesn't work worth a fuck. I blow on the games, I hit the power button really quick, I reset, I took it apart and cleaned it thoroughly, and still the red light blinks at me. Mocking me. When it finally does come on, I play the games, games which if you recall, you cannot save. Remember? You get no saves, you get "continues." And you only get like three of those, so you have to beat the game in one sitting. Assholes.

Also, my state of the art, flatscreen, HD, huge ass TV thinks I'm just fucking with it, hooking up a 22 year old (that's right f'ers, who's feeling old?) video game system. The TV can't get the picture just right, but that's probably because my TV's obviously a snob and a jerk. I can almost hear it saying in perfect douchebag pitch, "I'm sorry. Did you say you wanted that...thing...plugged in me?" It's Japanese, so you figure they would get along, but they don't. At any rate, I played Baseball, Top Gun, Contra (still kinda cool), Double Dragon II, Karate Champ, Ghosts and Goblins, Gauntlet, and Paperboy (still hard as fuck). You may be wondering about the obvious, Super Mario Brothers and Zelda. Ask my goofy ass brother who probably pawned them for weed in the summer of 1990. Just kidding...jerk.

Yay For Me, I Have a Blog, and I'm into Comics at 32

So, I have a blog. Mainly because my buddy has one, and i'm always reading his shit at work, so I figured this is yet another excuse to dick around at aforementioned work. I'm a lawyer by day, and yes, it is as glamorous a profession as you are imagining.

The aforementioned buddy (i like saying "aforementioned" as you can tell, since it's kinda close to foreskin, of which I have none, thus I am envious) has also convinced me to start reading comic books. Wasn't into comics as a kid. At all. I was hooked on cartoons: Saturday morning, after school, videotape, etc. Honestly, I kind of bought into the stigma that kids that read comic books were, well, nerds. Truth is, a visit to your local comic book shop will actually confirm that the stereotype actually has some merit. Don't get me wrong, the guy working the counter at your local comic book store is helpful enough, but he's still a fucking nerd. So what does that make me? A reader of fine literature of course...and a nerd. Actually, my uncomfortable love of all things Star Wars should have told me that, but I care not.

The comics I've been introduced to, well, they simply rock. In the span of two weeks I have devoured comics like a (insert crack whore joke here) and I simply can't stop reading. Another reason I never read comics was that I thought they were kind of one-dimensional and boring. Not these. As the Duck (see links to other cool blogs) has mentioned before, writer Brian K. Vaughan's work is dope, and the artwork alone is worth the purchase. If you're interested, and even if you're not (because deep down I don't like you anyway) check out Y The Last Man, Ex Machina, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, and Fables. Those are my current reads, and not a bad one in the bunch. Yes, I am "older" and I like comics. For that hour at night when my life is finally on hold until the next morning when the cog starts churning yet again, reading these makes me feel a bit like a kid again, which ain't too bad. I'll take it anyway I can get it.